Life after Samuel

Its been 4 months since Samuel passed away. I think my family has adjusted to our new lifestyle. The key but simple difference is our mobility. Simple things like eating out together, visiting the many playgrounds that our daughters just love, going to the library, visiting and socializing with friends. We have just came back from our first vacation for 6 years.

We drove up to Malaysia together, stopping at Malacca, A'famosa, and finally Genting. On the way back, Wifey told me she just had her best holiday in her life;-) even better than our honeymoon in NZ. (of course while she was having her time of her life, I was the chaperone, driver, bell-boy, waiter, tour guide.....). In a way, the fact we just had the best holiday in a very ordinary itinerary and in a very ordinary Malaysia really signifies the way we have lived our lifes since Samuel was conceived 6 years ago.

With Samuel, i have to humbly admit that my family lived an extra-ordinary life. Without Samuel, it dawned upon me that we are a very ordinary Singaporean family with 2 kids and a maid, an ordinary christian family who goes to church every week, an ordinary office worker in an MNC who puts in at least 12 hours of work a day, an ordinary teacher in a premium school, 2 healthy ordinary kids who will be going through a typical singaporean education, and of course an ordinary maid.

Samuel made us different. Yet, when he was with us, I wanted so much, and longed to do the ordinary things most people do. Now that i am doing these ordinary things, life seem so...so....empty. Human are so hard to pleased. Human are so difficult to satisfy.

We still mention Samuel almost every day in our family. He seem to be a reminder to us that life can be so different, so difficukt, and yet so purposeful and meaningful.