Help! Mid Life Crisis!

I seriously think i am now going through a mid life crisis, though at a premature stage. Wikipedia describes Mid-life Crisis as a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some in the "middle years" of life, that may be triggered by the death of parents, or children leaving home. The person may desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day to day life, such as in career, or in relationships.
Obviously the passing of Samuel is the key trigger. Life has been quite empty since Samuel has been promoted to a better place. Reflecting on the past, my (family) life revolved around Samuel. You see, Samuel had the biggest room of my home - the living room. He was intentionally placed in our living room as we wanted him to be always playing a part in our family life. While we watched TV, eat our meals (we have a open concept kitchen, dinning, living room), play with our kids, or when friends visit, or during cell group meetings; Samuel was always the centre of it all. Wifey had to take on additional tuition, and why i had the motivation to work long hours, was because of Samuel.
Now that he is gone, it seems pointless to put in 12 hour work days. What do i really want? That is what i am asking myself these days. How do I want to spend the second half of my life? What do I want to be remembered? What am I willing to die for? What are the talents that God has given me that I can realize my full potential? Is it about family? Is is about linking and giving to the people community? Does God hold the meaning to life and not me?
I am now re-reading Rick Warren's "Purpose driven life", and just picked up Bob Buford's Half-time. I pray that God will speak to me as I read these books.
Samuel gave his all while he was alive. Samuel was strong, he took the continual pains and discomforts. He was stubborn, he presevered the multiple close-death hospital stays, and lived beyond what the doctors expected. He was attractive and charismatic in his own way, getting the attention of everyone in KK hospital, and inspiring the teachers from his school.
These are the traits that i hope will see me through to the second half of my life.

Life after Samuel

Its been 4 months since Samuel passed away. I think my family has adjusted to our new lifestyle. The key but simple difference is our mobility. Simple things like eating out together, visiting the many playgrounds that our daughters just love, going to the library, visiting and socializing with friends. We have just came back from our first vacation for 6 years.

We drove up to Malaysia together, stopping at Malacca, A'famosa, and finally Genting. On the way back, Wifey told me she just had her best holiday in her life;-) even better than our honeymoon in NZ. (of course while she was having her time of her life, I was the chaperone, driver, bell-boy, waiter, tour guide.....). In a way, the fact we just had the best holiday in a very ordinary itinerary and in a very ordinary Malaysia really signifies the way we have lived our lifes since Samuel was conceived 6 years ago.

With Samuel, i have to humbly admit that my family lived an extra-ordinary life. Without Samuel, it dawned upon me that we are a very ordinary Singaporean family with 2 kids and a maid, an ordinary christian family who goes to church every week, an ordinary office worker in an MNC who puts in at least 12 hours of work a day, an ordinary teacher in a premium school, 2 healthy ordinary kids who will be going through a typical singaporean education, and of course an ordinary maid.

Samuel made us different. Yet, when he was with us, I wanted so much, and longed to do the ordinary things most people do. Now that i am doing these ordinary things, life seem so...so....empty. Human are so hard to pleased. Human are so difficult to satisfy.

We still mention Samuel almost every day in our family. He seem to be a reminder to us that life can be so different, so difficukt, and yet so purposeful and meaningful.