Reason for Suffering (1)

For the next couple of weeks, i intend to do some serious writing. My hope is to pen down my thoughts, thereby partly releasing some of my pent up frustrations. I think i need to get right with with God.
I used to identify with the prophets of old, now, of all the people in the bible, i can now identify with Job.
Not with the favourite "Naked I came from my father's womb, and naked i shall depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised".
Nor with "Shall I accept good from God, and not trouble?"
But in 9:23, the bible says "When a scourge brings sudden death, he mocks the despair of the innocent", are the kind of thoughts that has been bothering me the past 2 years.
Now, I know he has not passed me by, but he seems to have sadistically made all areas of my life smooth - except Samuel. Alas! Is God toying with me?
As Job made 2 contradictory comments, I too feel the same way.
1) All that what happened to Samuel is a mistake on God's part. Samuel and I dont deserve such treatment. I always think logically that there is much more that i can do for God without the burden of taking care of Samuel's physical needs. Furthermore there is really nothing i have learnt from these hard 2 years. Really, besides, perseverance and medical skills, there is
nothing i have learnt from this continuous ordeal.
2) God deserves my loyalty. Yet, somehow, i still hold firm to him.

I shall continue with the story of Job in my next entry.